Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Because Tattoos Just Scream Sincerity

I don't usually post about The Bachelor/Bachelorette. Heck, I didn't even watch the show until someone roped me into watching Jason's season, then I was intrigued by Jillian which led to Jake which led to Ally and four seasons later, here I am. In a deep, deep hole of over-dramatized reality television and I can quite seem to get out because the Real Housewives of New York are too busy trying to figure out why Kelly is so crazy to give a little boost.

Anyway, last night's episode of The Bachelorette was too chock full of a good times and ridiculousness not to comment on.

First, I'd like to say that The Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise achieved my perfect date last season when Jake and Ally danced to Chicago in the park. I couldn't imagine anything greater.

Until last night.

The guys had set out on a literal whirlwind tour to win Ally heart. They were going to "woo" her across the world, all the while being knocked off like flies. Nothing like a little ruthless heart-breaking to balance out the overwhelming cheesy-ness of the romanticality of it all.

First stop -- New York City. (Go ahead, say it like the do in the Pace Picante sauce commercial. You know you want to.)

Chicago in the park was officially topped as Best Date Ever by last night's group date. Several of the guys vied for the chance to perform with Ally in the Broadway musical, "The Lion King." I think someone on the Bachelor(ette) production staff must have a vendetta against me because they continue to produce every dream date imaginable and dangle it in front of my face like a carrot. Except I don't eat carrots so that wouldn't be very enticing. So we'll say, they dangle it in front of my face like a large cookie cake.

It was a small part as the chorus but seriously? Just to stand on Broadway stage with someone that I even halfway liked for a third date would make me pee my pants with delight. Messy? Yes. Awkward? Definitely. Boring and devoid of romance? Not. At. All.

Check it. (I doesn't show you the actually performance, but if you've seen the show, you'll know what part they are doing. It's during "Can You Feel The Love Tonight".)

So now that I've touched on the high point of the show, I'll tackle the low point.

I have to say, Kasey has surpassed Craig M. for creepiest bachelor on the show. I know deep down he has good intentions but well, at some point in life as a man, you really have to figure out that what some guys do to woo women, doesn't really work for you.

This kid already has a strike against him. He's got a weird voice. I know that's trivial but it plays a big part in the rest of the story.

This season has more singing boys that I've ever seen on any show. Girls all over the world have made it clear that there is just something about a singing boy and a guitar. Well, these guys have taken that literally and are pulling out all the stops. First, it was Hunter on the first night with his ukelele and satirical ditty. Then, it was Ty (the Mississippi boy and aspiring country artist) on the beach at the photo shoot.

Kasey just couldn't be left out so he decided that come hell or highwater, singing ability or not, he's going to sing to Ally. And he did just that. At the first awkward pause, Kasey starts in on a song that can only be summed up as diarreha of the mouth set to music. Ally's stunned look is priceless and when he finishes his song, she just bows her head in embarrassment. Not for herself, but for the poor sap sitting in front of her.

One time is forgivable, but he commenses to do the same thing two more times on the date and at this point I am screaming at the television to stop the madness.

This is where my suspicisions of the show being producer-driven are confirmed. Ally is literally cringing every time this kid opens his mouth because she's afraid of what musical nightmare might be unleashed. And instead of denying him the rose and sending him home, like the rules state, she questions his sincerity and decides to deny him the rose but lets him stay because she wants to give him a chance to prove himself.

And so, he sets out to "prove himself". The guy disappears the next day to take of and get a tattoo to prove that he means serious business when it comes to "protecting and guarding Ally's heart."

I don't know about you, but nothing screams sincerity and commitment than a heinous tattoo on your wrist of a heart covered by a shield intertwine with a rose. No. Doubt.

Long story short. Kasey's gets called out by the guys, says he will confess to Ally but chickens out and then Ally proceeds to give him a rose after an immensely awkward conversation at the cocktail party.

More proof that the producers made her keep him another week. She was awkward giving him the rose and the entire tease at the end of the show as about him.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go work on my songwriting skillz because after watching last night's episode, I've become incredibly aware of my serious lack of musical talent.

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