Lately, I've been struggling with feelings of entitlement and envy.
I've watched a person who destroyed the dream of my future receive every single bit of that dream in a matter of eight months. And I don't think this person deserves it one bit.
Aren't I entitled to enjoy the dream that I had before they even have a chance to enjoy anything else in this life?
You know why. Because in my life...yeah, that life that God has given me, I'm not entitled to anything. I'm not even entitled to his saving grace. That's why it's called grace. Because it's undeserved.
I don't deserve it, yet I receive buckets of it every. single. day.
We've all gone through life, being coddled and groomed to think that we deserve certain things in life. Sure the U.S. Constitution entitles us to certain "rights" but the only reasons we are entitled to those rights are because God in his infinite wisdom and marvelous grace decided that he wanted us to be American citizens. Now, that doesn't mean that we are more or less special than anyone who was not born in the United States. It just means that we should be thankful for the freedoms and the rights that we have been given and not abuse them.
So, therefore, I have to constantly remind myself when I go into "That's not fair" mode that life's not fair. That the "Boomerang Theory" that I've conjured up in my mind (good deserves good, bad deserves bad) is not how God does things.
And that grace is poured out like rain on me every day, not because I deservie it or an entitled to it, but because God loves me.