Sunday, January 18, 2009

Fix You

I'm a "fixer". Really. If something is wrong with my computer, I try to fix it before I let someone else do it. A piece of furniture is broken or an electrical appliance goes haywire -- I try to fix it. I change my own flat tire. I change other people's flat tires. Basically, I'm a girl version of MacGyver. Or at least I like to think so.

I definitely get it from my dad, though. My dad is the world's greatest Mr. Fix-It. And no, I'm not biased at all. If I can't fix it, I call my dad because I know he can. And 99.9% of the time, he does. And if he can't, he knows exactly who can.

I love putting things together, after I take them apart. I guess that's the hidden engineer in me that I never worked hard enough to get out, on account that I was to lazy to do so. I rock at puzzles. That's like my little piece of heaven. I don't do them so much anymore but when I was younger, I was always putting together puzzles. There was always a masterpiece at work in the playroom over the garage. And it's something that my Grandma and I would indulge in together. That's something that I'll always hold close to my heart. I think this is another level of my "fixing". I like to see what's wrong with a picture and figure out the part that is missing, and put it together.

When I put together puzzles, I always find the outside pieces and put together the frame and then go from there. I figure, if I get the outside complete and fixed, it will make it easier to figure out the inside.

I think I used to apply that concept to real life. I realize now how backwards that is. I don't really have to explain that. You get it, right?

I'm not just a fixer of physical, tangible things. I'm an all-around fixer. In every relationship that I've had, I've always been a fixer. I pick out a guy who I think has a few flaws that conveniently fall into my level of expertise and I jump right into figuring out how I can fix them.

In fact, my longest relationship was one long project. I didn't realize it then, but they say hindsight is 20/20. And I'd have to agree on this one. I think it's probably one of the main reasons that relationship went south. I was obsessed with fixing this person's issues myself instead of letting him figure out on his own what was wrong. To my defense, my intentions were always good, mostly trying to lead him to seek his Heaven Father to help him with what he was dealing with. But as they say, you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. And y'all, I was totally trying to make this horse drink. I would repeatedly nudge...okay, push...his head in the water to try and force him to drink the water that I thought he needed to drink. What I couldn't see was that all I was doing was drowning him.

When all of that turned sour, I became obsessed with fixing myself. And let me just tell you, the fixer cannot fix himself/herself. That's what all throughout the Bible it says that without God, nothing is possible and that only through his strength are we able to do anything. I know that now.

I was introduced to a song a couple of weeks ago, as I started (and finished in four days) Tara Leigh Cobble's Crowded Skies: Letters To Manhattan. Can I just take a moment to recommend this book to anyone who is going through a "quarter-life crisis" or is just looking for a good book to read. It's great.

TLC is a Tennessee-born singer/songwriter, who got her start in Nashville and eventually moved to NYC to "find herself" and fill a void that Nashville just wasn't filling. (Or at least that's what I get from her book.) It seems things have worked out for her. But I digress.

In her book, TLC writes about her adventures in moving to NYC and the challenges she faced and adaptations she had to make. She wrote about a song that became her favorite when she moved to NYC because it really spoke to her and as I read it, I felt like God was singing over me.

The song is Coldplay's "Fix You". I know was some of you are thinking. Coldplay is far from a Christian band, but I'm telling you, the lyrics to this song are nothing short of divinely inspired. Check it for yourself:

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse.

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
"Just what your worth"

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream, down on your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face and I...

Tears stream, down on your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face and I...

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you.

Now, aside from the fact that the lyrics say, "try to fix you", I feel like someone has been watching my life for the past 8-10 years and writing a song about it. When I listen to this song, I love to imagine God singing this over me, except instead of him saying, "And I will try to fix you," he says, "I have already fixed you."

Because he has.

Two thousand years ago, before my great-great-great-great grandparents were even a twinkle in someone's eye, God fixed me by sending his Son to die the most embarrassing and excruciating death possible to defeat Death right where it stood so that I wouldn't have to endure that wrath.

So, basically, I can stop trying to fix things. At least, things that aren't household appliances or pieces of furniture.

I'll just stick to the 500 piece cardboard puzzles and leave the more complicated stuff up to God. He's more than able fix all the rest.

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